How do you avoid family disagreements at the death of a loved one?

Recently a friend of mine, someone I worked with for many years and whose company was always a great pleasure sadly died. This was not a surprise to him or anyone else, as he had been unwell for quite some time, but still it was a blow for those who loved him; I was one of many, as he was thoroughly loveable.

He was one of those characters that was at once charming, sincere and mischievous, solid instance and artistic in outlook. He was also very courageous and pragmatic. You might imagine that this eulogising is overblown, distorted because of his demise, but it is not. He was a great character and he was fun to be around, a very positive person to be with.

There was news that he had married his long term girlfriend shortly before he died, thus securing her future, which was quite the right thing to do. It must have been very difficult to organise this and other matters as his health was so poor towards the end, but he did it. However, there was also a rumour that he had not left much by way of gifts to his son, who must have been very sad. It made me think about how hard it is to get the balance right and to prepare well for something so unwelcome as death.

Truthfully I never want to sit down and plan my own death, how any assets I have left are distributed, what messages of love and loss I leave for those closest to me, this is just not an appealing idea. Strangely though when I have thought about it, it produces a strong feeling of love and actually writing a Letter of Wishes reduces a feeling of discomfort. There is no doubt that there is plenty of randomness in our lives, but planning brings comfort and order from the chaos. This I like a lot.

Kwaetus is the platform that allows me to write my Letter of Wishes, gives me the chance to specify things that have little economic value but carry lots of emotional heft. Who carries a momento from a grandparent or parent that means love and care? I certainly do and the things I have mean a lot to me, they remind me of people that I loved and who loved me. Forever.

It is really hard to plan something unpalatable, but because it is also inevitable it is essential to start the planning process. There might be lots of twists and turns, changes to the plans as my life unfolds (although I am more than half way through things seem a bit more settled), but it is good to know that I have got some basic things done.

Maybe I can create some NFTs, something immutable to pass on, that appeals. I am worried that if I just leave some written words that won’t be enough. A token of some sort makes sense with this perspective in mind. To show love after death, when talking and touching is no longer possible.

A single platform where I can write my will, my letter of wishes, record important information so that it can be found easily, makes a lot of sense to me. These aren’t things that are really hard to do, just not urgent. I am hopeful that the news I received regarding my friend was inaccurate and that his son has momentos and other memories to cherish from his father. But it made me think even more that simple, planning exercises like this could have a hugely important impact on those we love. Thought about in those terms suggests this should not wait for me and I shall redouble my efforts to ensure everything is in order.


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